Feelings of love lost

Last night I had a dream about a girl I loved. Let’s call her L.

I don’t remember the details of the dream, only that I saw her; and we were together, at least for a short spell.

When I woke up I could feel the emotions in my chest and stomach. The strongest feelings go much further than the brain.

When I think of her, I feel happiness, joy and love.

But I also feel pain and anxiety when I realise I don’t know her anymore.

I don’t know how, but I can feel all of those things at once. My heart feels joyful, but painful at the same time.

I never really connected to romantic stories or poems. They never seemed real. But now I understand something of what the authors may have been feeling.

The shape of her mouth. Her delicate chin. Her eyes staring at me. The time she cried when I wrote her a love letter. The different times we were together.

When I remember any of those moments I feel pressure in my throat and my eyes start to water.

When we met to break up she already had picked out a specific park bench to sit on. Even the last moments are sweet.

Even though there it is pain and sadness I am so grateful for it. It is in that pain and sadness that I can find the beauty of the experience I had. She is one of my most precious memories. Thank you L for sharing a small part of your life with me.

When we first met, we went out a few times. I was shy. I remember telling her I couldn’t believe I was so lucky to date her. She told me to come closer. She surprised me with a kiss.

We broke up because I was overworked and stressed and I wasn’t very mature at the time. It’s not just finding the right person, but also the right time.

I don’t know; but I hope she is very happy. I think she met someone else. I hope he takes good care of her.

I hope too that I will experience love again.

This is my first blog post. I created this blog to share my photographs and also to talk about things that I can’t otherwise talk about.