Feelings of love lost

Last night I had a dream about a girl I loved. Let’s call her L.

I don’t remember the details of the dream, only that I saw her; and we were together, at least for a short spell.

When I woke up I could feel the emotions in my chest and stomach. The strongest feelings go much further than the brain.

When I think of her, I feel happiness, joy and love.

But I also feel pain and anxiety when I realise I don’t know her anymore.

I don’t know how, but I can feel all of those things at once. My heart feels joyful, but painful at the same time.

I never connected to romantic stories or poems. They never seemed real. But now I understand something of what the authors may have been feeling.

The shape of her mouth. Her delicate chin. Her eyes staring at me. The time she cried when I wrote her a love letter. The different times we were together.

When I remember any of those moments I feel pressure in my throat and my eyes start to water.

When we met to break up she already knew which park bench to sit on. Even the last moments are sweet.

Even though there it is pain and sadness I am grateful. It’s in this that I can find the beauty of the experience. She is one of my most precious memories. Thank you, L for sharing a small part of your life with me.

When we first met, we went out a few times. I was shy. I remember telling her I couldn’t believe I was so lucky to date her. She told me to come closer. She surprised me with a kiss.

I hope she is happy. I think she met someone else. I hope he takes good care of her.

I hope too that I will experience love again.