Too busy to write. Just over 4 weeks ago I started a new contract. Despite quite a bit of experience I still feel nervous at a new client. That’s my excuse for not posting on my blog.
But I want to write. I want to post. I miss it.
I hadn’t taken any photos in 4/5 weeks. I was starting to feel as though losing myself. I finally woke up and took my camera out on Saturday, the thought in mind; get some Christmassy photos.
It was such a long time between my last and current client that I had to sell my Nikon D750 and now back to using my Nikon D3100, it’s good, but I really feel the lack of low light capability (w/out flash).
In other news; I am in a fight with consistency these days.
My mind is full of good thoughts and ideas; be happy in the present moment, learn/improve yoga / tai chi / gong fu / pilates, treat people kindly, be confident, express myself, eat well, live w/out too much ego, read a lot.
But despite my intentions, on a day to day basis, I forget, and I am lacking the will power and minute by minute presence to go in the right direction.
Lately I succumbed to drinking too many beers; eating chocolate, chain watching TV, being a little moody and not exercising regularly.
I feel kind of embarrassed. And frustrated; I know that every time I miss the mark, I weaken my resolve for the future. Days are passing by and I am not actively living the way I want to moment to moment.
I have a couple of nice Christmas photos from last year taken at Holborn in London:
Can you tell that these two photos were taken with a more expensive camera? The lens is the same and I develop / process my photos in more or less the same way.
What are you planing for Christmas?
I was originally planning to visit Edinburgh for a few days. Then drive to see my mum on Christmas day. But now I can’t visit. Or at least I thought I couldn’t and cancelled my reservations. Instead I was thinking about a trip to Germany or Austria for a few days. Or should I just stay here and save money. I still need to pay off some credit card bills following my long period w/out client work.
2015 has been a strange year. It started out with the worst flu ever; which I aggravated by taking a 3-changeover flight from Scotland to Hong Kong. Then I had some adventures for a few months; but that was followed by a bad decision about a girl and then a super difficult time finding a client.
I’m unsure about 2016, but I think I need to be more structured and brave in committing to things. This year I missed a lot of opportunities through indecisiveness. It was a little strange as it’s the first time in my life I found myself struggling to make decisions. It was almost paralysis.
I realise now how important it is to be brave; take a leap of faith and take risks.